A list of irksome characters in college. Make sure you’re not one of these people.
- The social media saint:
You know exactly who I’m talking about. They share about 10 articles a day, each of which seems to be another social issue that they have such a HUGE heart for. Come on, we already found out that liking photos doesn’t actually save children’s lives. Good for you that you think Jesus loves me, but get off my dash.
- The guy who can’t take a hint:
He double messages you. Triple messages you. Responds with a paragraph when you say “haha”. You feel bad for him, so you never have the heart to tell him to stop. Get off my back, your creepy kindness isn’t going to get you laid.
- The early riser roommate:
The root of the problem is that I’m jealous of your ridiculous ability to have your life together. Regardless, if you’re my roommate and you’re going to bed early and waking up early, chances are you’re causing me to stumble around in the dark and then wake up prematurely. I’m going to fart on your pillow when you’re not here.
- The couple that’s waaayy too public:
If someone’s doing a problem set in the same room, your hand shouldn’t be down your significant other’s pants.
- The people who are way too into greek life:
If you think that your frat party is mildly similar to the movie Neighbors, I have some news for you: it’s not, and I’m only here because I’m dependent on alcohol for stress relief. For girls: if you think that your sorority status makes you “hot,” you need to reassess your priorities in life.
- Girls who try to be “one of the guys”:
There’s nothing wrong with hanging out with the opposite gender, but if you’re talking about how guys are “less drama” so “all your friends are guys,” you need to think about the amount of internalized misogyny you have in your subconscious. I’m not even trying to be funny with this one; do some self-reflection. Having a good time is important, but gender equality is globally pressing and you don’t want to be a setback.